As men, we often hear how we need to be tough and strong; we hear how we have an obligation to take care of those around us and to bravely protect our loved ones. For generations, we’ve taught our children that the ideal man is one who has the character to weather any pain or suffering, one who takes action when necessary, and isn’t afraid to do what he believes is right.
Those ideals aren’t necessarily bad. Protecting those you love, standing up for your beliefs, and taking tough action when necessary are well-intentioned and even virtuous. As men, we need to treasure the positive ideals we’ve established. But we also need to challenge the negatives that might come alongside those prejudices.
People often say that men are afraid of expressing their emotions. They say that men don’t like to talk about things. We’ve all seen the man who has a tough exterior, the man who doesn’t like talking about any feelings. I always thought it was kind of a silly thought to believe that we men *couldn’t* talk about our feelings. I had never struggled with discussing anything, with explaining why I was happy, sad, or angry. If I wanted, I was sure that I could bore anyone for hours with explanations of why I was thinking or feeling a certain way. When anyone would bring up or suggest the idea of counseling, I would retort with “I could, but I don’t think I need it”. It made sense - counseling, after all, was something reserved for people who weren’t tough enough to deal with their problems on their own. In my mind, counseling suggested weakness.
Throughout the years, I wondered more and more about the truth behind that sentiment. As someone who considers himself fair and honest, I considered the possibility of whether counseling was something from which I could benefit. After much deliberation and foot-dragging, I finally decided that I couldn’t discern it’s actual benefit without giving it a fair shot. I figured the worst that could happen would be that I’d pay some money for minimal/no benefit - so why not try it?
Two years later, I’ve continued my counseling. Not every counselor has worked for me, not every session produced results, but I benefitted. I saw myself slowly examining the problems that I previously chose not to address; I saw myself being forced to confront personal characteristics that I wasn’t even aware were a problem. I found counseling to be a helpful, objective lens through which I could fairly work on bettering myself. It was the toughest thing I’ve done, and I’m very thankful I chose to take that risk.
People say that we men have difficulty “expressing our emotions”; that wasn’t the case for me. I didn’t believe that I could benefit from it. I didn’t think “I needed it”. I was too proud to take that chance.
It takes true strength to recognize your humanity. True strength comes humbly in taking steps to better one’s self. True strength lies in the humility to open up and explore the sometimes uncomfortable action of therapy.
#therapy #mentalhealth #therapyformen #selfhelp #healing #counseling #stopstigma #normalizetherapy #menshealing
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